February 14
- Eyelids
- Hugs
- A chance to try again
That last one sounds a little vague. In this instance, I don’t mean a chance to try again with that relationship that got away. Or that job that didn’t pan out. Or any “try to fix my past” type of things. I used to think Edna Mode was hilarious in saying “I never look back, darling, it distracts from the Now”. But I am quickly coming around to that way of thinking.
I mean a chance to try to live as if you believe yourself. Each day.
The mornings are a quiet time where all that I’ve been reading and learning in conversations makes sense in the mind, heart, and gut. And there are times where I sail into the work day knowing that I have all the tools I need to be present and deal with only what needs to be done.
And something always comes up that tugs at me the wrong way or engages my ego in just the right way that I go back to my programmed ways. I fight for me. I bad mouth someone or something else that isn’t *my* way.
When I fall back into patterns, I used to get depressed about it. I used to feel that I had failed at living in my new understanding and that I would never be free. Have I mentioned I am prone to my own drama? I am.
Only recently, with the encouragement of my wife, am I starting to believe that all of those things that tug at me are gifts. They are the things that initiate the practice of love and presence. And when I don’t respond as I had hoped I would, other chances will come and I can learn and still care.
A chance to try again. One mistake a failure does not make.