I started reading through Pam Grout’s Thank and Grow Rich this morning. If you are unfamiliar with the book or the premise, allow me to summarize: Be grateful. Extremely grateful. For allllll the things.

I read through the book last year and it had a good and heavy impact on me. For a period of time I was glowing. There was an aura, a joy, a “high vibration” about me. It was glorious. And then I got a cold or something and said, “ahhh, it’s all crap.”

That wasn’t entirely fair, of course. But that is where I was at that time. Ready to buy-in when it worked. Ready to ditch it when it felt like the same empty promises as so many other things in life.

Time and Perspective

Since first reading through that book I’ve read through some other things that have…softened the soil? Worked the land? Brought me forward? Either way, I’m ready to dig in again.

So I read the beginnings of the book this morning and had a decent day. I had perspective during some meetings and conversations and I could genuinely feel the glow.

And then something happened. I got home, I felt a little tired, one of the kids was extra whiny and wouldn’t stop and then became growly and it was all over. I was down. Way down in the dark again.

So I tried the things I’ve learned. I thought about all that I had (and look at that sunset!) and was grateful. But I couldn’t get the heaviness to lift.

At this point I should note that I made things worse. I put fresh batteries in a toy that sounds like a banshee being electrocuted through a megaphone. And then I yelled. Ostensibly because it was too loud to talk normally over that thing. But really, I was angry. Too many sounds. Too much conflict. Too much of all the things that keep me from feeling gratitude.

“Be grateful for it all.” I have to remember it is basically Day One. And this stuff takes time.

“Choose joy.” I want to. I do. I see the value.

This evening, I just don’t know how.

And still, I know it is all good. It is well. I hope I get the chance to try again tomorrow.