Short-term vs. Long-term

I make decisions based on how happy they will make me in the short-term. This is often called instant gratification. I’m certainly not alone. It’s just that, I have, again, reached a place where constant, short-term happiness-seeking has left me ravaged.

In working to build out a community and understand the business behind the oils that support my health and well-being, I have traded a lot of future success in the hopes of doing things better sooner. This isn’t just about business, either.

The community I want to build has a foundation of eating well, moving your body, and learning new things. I’ve gone all-in on the last one. In doing so, I completely abandoned the first two. In order to watch training videos and listen to audio lessons about changing my mindset, I booked all my “free time” to pursue these activities.

The inversion

In the beginning of this pivot, I was energized, excited. I dove in with such gusto that my partner of 12 years recognized my patterns and suggested I take a look at reducing how much I was taking on at once. “Nonsense!”, I said. This time would be different (right?). I had passion and a vision and if I didn’t grab this idea and this vision by the proverbial horns and go for the ride, then I would be repeating all the other times I bailed on an idea because the execution got hard.

So, off I went! And my pattern is, when I go all-in on something, to eat and drink for comfort, not for health. Those extremely quick boosts in gratification help me get through times where I feel insecure about my knowledge and my ability to be successful. All the self-help and leadership guidance pales in strength compared to highly-processed food that tastes delicious.

Whatever. I had things to accomplish! A vision to establish! A whole business to learn! Oh, while pouring myself into my day job. Oh, also, while my kids are in that sweet spot of actually wanting me there and to hang out and play. Turns out, there is only so much of me to pour into various things. I’m not superhuman. I mean, I know I’m not? But I still like to think, if I just try harder, I actually can be superhuman.

Boundaries are for other people. I can do everything I want to do all the time. Why not? All it takes is persistence and perseverance, right? RIGHT?

(Hopefully you have been reading the last couple paragraphs and shaking your head with a hint of, “oh, you poor delusional human.” Because yes, that’s delusional.)

I have been tired for two weeks. I have not been able to think as clearly as I like. I kept boosting myself with social media so that I could get some dopamine in the mix. I started having a soda that defined my early 20s and torpedoed a lot of my health efforts to do over-consumption. Friends, I was a ghost. Walking around as a shell of a man, with no depth, no energy, and with everything around me beginning to feel impossible.

The flip

Last night, every thing that wasn’t perfect felt like the end of the world. Someone said something different than I thought? Well, it’s never going to be better. Someone did something different than I expected? Well, I must have failed as a dad and husband. That will never change. It was dark!

So I did the thing I knew to do when I find myself in this place. (Oh! right, this isn’t the first time this has happened. It’s one of my patterns. Looks different every time. Until I hit this place and then I recognize it. Gah!) I went to bed! The “restart your computer” for humans. I was in bed at 8:45 pm. My normal sleep hours are 10 pm – 6 am, if that option is available. I prioritized sleep. I’ve been tired all week and I chose to hear my body. Friends, I SLEPT. SLEEEEHHHHPT.

And now? I’m awake. And I’m committing to making good choices. I’m going to leave certain liquids in certain cabinets. I’m going to reintroduce myself to leafy vegetables (I’ve missed you, friends! It wasn’t you it was me…I’m back). I’m going to move my body. I’m going to remind myself to trust what I believe. The divine is benevolent and for me. My heart sings when I’m a conduit of good things to and between people. So I’ll put in the hard work to get this thing off the ground, but I commit to taking care of all the areas of my life that will support future success.

This means giving up control of the timeline. But, really, no one has true control over their timeline. And if I believe in benevolence, I need to be open to things happening in ways I don’t have planned.

And honestly? that sounds like a LOT more fun.

Here’s to our health.