March 1

1. Excited parent-to-be friends
2. Yellow curry
3. Popcorn with any sort of butter flavor

I have a routine I enjoy when going to the movies. It is not unlike most people’s movie-going routine. For me, though, it presents conflict.

Have you really thought about butter “flavor”? Not butter. Butter “flavor”. This topic takes me back about 22 years…I was standing in line at PC Dukes, waiting for a grilled cheese. I received said grilled cheese. And upon eating it, I remarked to my roommate about the delicious and ever-present buttery-ness.

The next time we were in line, I watched. I watched them make the grilled cheese. And I saw a peer of mine take a piece of white bread, roll it on some sort of contraption, and then toss it on the grill. This contraption had a spinning wheel with holes in it that rolled through some sort of viscous liquid (that looked buttery?) and allowed the cook to coat the bread.

Then ONE time, I saw them reload the bottom of the spinning wheel tray. With a plastic Sysco jug. Of some sort of butter-flavored corn oil.

It was at that moment that your author had to make some life decisions. This felt like a violation. A breaking of nature’s laws. Sure, I was young and dumb to the ways of the world. But this breaking of one of life’s innocences was, indeed, permanent.

And now? Gimme that big tub of popcorn at the movies and I will go fine that hot, oily goodness of butter-flavored oil by the all-too-tiny napkins and drench, slather, engulf, keep choosing verbs all day if you like, but that popcorn will be COATED with oil.

Coated.